Tuesday, 24 January 2012

A Choice to be Gay??

Firstly, a bit of a gay rights roundup as this is currently a very hot topic.

Cynthia Nixon Angers Many

Oh dear. Sex & the City star has annoyed many gay people but stating that it is a 'choice' to be gay.  This is a line of defence that many anti-gay people use, and now one of our own is using it, I'm sure you can see why she's ruffled a few feathers  for the equality fight. She stated " I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice.” (Read article here)

I'm sorry... but have you seen her girlfriend??*

Anyways, what are your thoughts on this? Many are angered as the majority of gay people (us included) believe you are born this way & it cannot be 'chosen'. 

Some have put forward that she is bisexual and not gay. Perhaps a valid point, she could therefore 'choose' to be in a gay relationship for the rest of her life. But this does not mean being gay is a choice.

“It’s not a “choice,” unless you consider my opting to date a guy with brown hair versus a guy with blonde hair a “choice.” It’s only a choice among flavours I already like. If you’re bisexual, you’re not gay, so please don’t tell people that gay people can “choose” their sexual orientation.” - gay blogger John Aravosis

Perez Hilton has echoed many by blogging:

“We totally hear her out and true, we cannot define her “gayness,” but it wasn’t a choice for us. We were BORN gay. And millions of gay people around the world feel the same way.”

Oh dear Cynthia... What HAVE you done?

Now that's out of the way, onto more exciting times.

4 days until Wegan are reunited!!!!! 
Can you believe it?

In a form of celebrating, we bring you the first out of three videos from our time in South Carolina.  We will be putting the others up in preparation to being together again this week.

In this video we are reunited and we celebrate our 3 year anniversary yay!!

Please rate, comment & subscribe :)

Also, Wegan were mentioned by the fabulous & hilarious ladies over at My Lesbian Radio. Go to 13.15mins of their latest podcast to hear their little discussion about us and a preview to Denise's interview that we will be sharing with you all next week.

Click here to listen!

Did you have a good laugh? :)

** Yes, yes I am well aware I'm awful. Please read this follow up post.

P.S Please follow us on twitter @whatwegandid , subscribe to us on youtube, & 'like' us on facebook!


  1. Very well said Megan! I definitely agree that because she is bi, she can choose whether she dates men or women, but you cannot choose to be gay or straight if you aren't!
    I grew up in a homophobic area, my dad was homophobic, if I could have 'chosen', why would I have chosen lesbianism?! I never had any experience with men, because even if at one point I would have liked to, you cannot choose to be straight if you are gay, and vice versa. Very stupid thing for cynthia to say :/
    Apologies for ranting on, can I just add that I'm super, super excited that you two will be together soon! :D S xx

  2. It's really sad that she has such a statement. If she cared about the gay community she'd keep her personal life away from the rest of us. It makes me wonder if she is aware of human sexuality and the biological makeup of her own body. Because it is set in concrete- NO WAY around it, that gay people do not wake up one day and say "ok, I choose to be gay today" any more than straight people wake up and say "I choose to be straight" We all are born with free will- and so we can all consciously choose what lifestyle we live- hence there are many straight women in lesbian relationships- and many lesbian women in straight marriages, does that change their sexuality? No. Cynthia all you had to say was, You're bisexual. That's it girl. You clearly made a choice but honey it wasn't sexuality. The straight community will have a field day with this. You did us proud, Can you uh? can we have that GLAAD back?

    On another note, I'm so damn happy for you guys, I'm expecting lots of Pics and videos ^_^ <3
    -Sade Gabrielle

  3. I may have missed something but why couldn't Cynthia Nixon have chosen her partner? I'm not sure if this is a snark regarding her "butchness" or what but I still think it's a little mean.

    She makes a point to say that for her being gay was a choice. This backlash is part of the reason why celebrities don't come out of the closet.

    Not everyone wants the responsibility of being the ambassador for the LGBT community but that is what happens when you are in the public eye and make comments about your private life.

  4. I'm guessing this actually makes sense for Cynthia Nixon. She has been in heterosexual relationships in the recent past, so one could safely assume that she is bisexual. In that way, she does have the "choice" of being with a man or a woman. However, I don't believe for one second that she "decided" one day to be attracted to women (especially that one!) In my opinion, she should have said that she was born bisexual and has now made the choice to be with a woman.

  5. ya shut up Cynthia ...

    seriously ladies you always have
    the right words to say .. you could
    not have put this in better words!

    people seriously need to understand
    that and stop arguing a topic that
    unless you are gay .. you are never
    going to be able to find out.

    I support you girls ♥♥

    so i just found your blog and
    I wanted to invite you to join
    My Valentine Card Swap?
    Only for U.S. Residents
    Click Here

    The more girls the better :)
    i wanted everyone to have a cute
    little something in the mail ?

    Please help me spread the word

    Melina ?

  6. I kind of understand that she made a choice to be with whomever she wanted to be with but she shouldn't speak to the mass about the minority. She should have realized that her personal experience was, is used to judge us as a whole, in a negative manner. She should have kept that opinion to herself.

  7. I kind of understand that she made a choice to be with whomever she wanted to be with but she shouldn't speak to the mass about the minority. She should have realized that her personal experience was, is used to judge us as a whole, in a negative manner. She should have kept that opinion to herself.

  8. i wanted to share this video with you girls because it touched my heart :) and i thought of my lovely friends ♥


  9. I feel really embarrassed by Cynthia Nixon's comment. As a pansexual/bisexual woman, I don't consider it a "choice". She may feel she made a choice when she chose to be in her relationship, but you can't chose who you fall in love with. You can't dismiss someones sexuality so easily. I may be married to a man, but I could have just as easily fallen in love with a woman.

  10. To be quite frank, I think she's full of shit! She really is pandering to the anti-gay crowd by using this excuse for why she is a lesbian. I think it almost reveals an insecurity she may have about herself and her own sexuality...like she needs people to believe it is her choice and not something she had no control over.

  11. Have you seen her hair now?!

  12. So many people in my life have referred to my 'choice' of being a lesbian. A choice?! Seriously?! Ok so I chose to be bullied at school, fear coming out to my parents, and then colleagues, and then other people, every single day of my life, scared of their reaction, did I? Really?!

    No. And now someone who is supposed to understand that this is not a choice, has just confirmed in the minds of many what they already understood to be true. There seems no point in us defending ourselves and the beautiful relationships we live in, because all it takes is one person to confirm what people want to hear and they will latch onto that and hold is as truth in their minds. It makes me so so angry. But we have an important part to play in this, if we continue to live our lives as proud gay women, and remind people that this is NOT a choice, it was how we were built, then maybe one day in the future we may be accepted as normal.

    Thank you for blogging about this, it's really important that people understand that WE CAN'T CHANGE WHO WE ARE!! We were born this way, and are very happy like this, thank you very much indeed, now leave us alone, accept us for the happy beings we are, and stop referring to this ridiculous choice business!

    (written by post-night shift Lauren so I apologise if it doesn't make sense!)

  13. Just read the article. I respect Cynthia for being honest.
    I also think that people are overreacting to what she said as she isn't talking about homosexuality in general but is specific to herself which is fair enough.... She says... ‘ I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice.”

    And she doesn't have to say she is bisexual... She doesn't have to justify herself.... She is in a committed relationship with a woman she clearly loves.....and their relationship and their sexual orientation are their own business and she is right to say "you don’t get to define my gayness for me”.

    Also...what is wrong with her girlfriend? Yeah she doesn't look like a catwalk model...but not many of us do. As corny as it may sound... It is what is in the inside what makes a person beautiful.... Cynthia is clearly happy... :)

    As I said i do respect her for being honest... It is just sad that people are taking a statement she made about herself and making out that she was applying it to homosexuality in general...especially after she said that for some people she understands it isn't a choice. People need to realise that Cynthia's life is not all about them....it is her life with her partner.

    Yay not long to go.....so excited for ya both xxx

  14. I can't get over how many people refuse to look past their self-interest on this issue. Things like this cut both ways. LGBTQI people want to be heard and respected when they speak their own truth. Lots of people don't like it. Tough. But when a member of that community speaks her own truth and the community at large doesn't like it... You don't have to agree, but to suggest that just because it doesn't benefit the political/social aims of the community, that truth shouldn't be spoken, well, that's a little hard to take. Free and open discourse won't ALWAYS swing the way any of us might like, but that's the price you pay for free and open discourse. I think she deserves a little more in the way of basic respect.

  15. I've just got to say this.

    The cracks about her girlfriend's appearance? Really?!?

    I thought this kind of attitude is what we are all fighting against.

    'Born this way' seems to be very popular when we're talking about sexuality or disabilities, but I guess the generosity runs dry if someone thinks you're just not cute enough.

    I'm genuinely saddened to see such a low blow on an otherwise wonderful blog.

  16. I agree with Anonymous above. There are no excuses for writing something like that about another human being and saying "I know this is mean" doesn't justify such awful behaviour. You should be ashamed of yourself.

    I strongly recommend all of you to read this article: http://www.autostraddle.com/what-it-means-to-say-you-were-born-this-gay-110548/

    "To say “I was born this way” is to apologize for the person I am and for whom I love. It’s like saying I would be different if I could. I wouldn’t."

  17. I'm so sad to read most of these comments...

    Grrrr.... and saying "Well, it's she's not a real lesbian anyway... like that just makes your own bigoted foolishness acceptable by "voting her off the island".

    Good thing you've all got bisexuals to kick around. It would really be miserable to be members of an oppressed minority and have no other group of your very own to hate...

    Megan... Whitney.. If you want to talk about "role models", then I expect better of you than just "walking the party line". Cynthia's feelings are not "wrong"... "irrelevant"... "misinformed"... nor do they single-handedly set "The movement" back. They are her feelings... on her own experience. Plain and simple. And guess what? She's actually as entitled to them as anyone is to their own experience.

  18. To the anon above, we are by no means kicking around bisexuals. If that is what she is then that is fine (see follow up post where it seems that may be the case). If she's going to say she's gay by 'choice' then she should have probably explained herself more properly, as she would not be naive to know how this would come across.

    She is of course entitled to her own deductions of her sexual orientation, but it doesn't change that her words will most likely have a negative impact on gay rights. Sad but true.

    Megan X

  19. Didn't expect to get answered so quickly... and I'm sorry if I came across harshly but the link to that other blog you put in your post above this one made me crazy to read it.. that I smashed ahead with that comment. Am I to gather you feel the same way about this as he did?

    I mean... How dare ANYONE have the gall to say "being bisexual isn't being gay?" Damn it...it sure feels the same to me... and I'm a bisexual woman with a girlfriend. We get fed the same day-to-day diet of bigoted crap as any other lesbian couple... so don't go telling me I'm not "gay enough" for the club.

    You spend a lot of time here at your Blog telling us all about your feelings and experiences... and I've always enjoyed reading all that... but now all this makes me feel like just another unwelcome outsider and that hurts...

    Cynthia's braver than me to say how she feels and knowing what crap would come back at her for it...

  20. I think you're taking this all the wrong way. I have never said anything like that ever on this blog. I was merely posting a link for those to see the extreme of the reaction to what Cynthia was saying. You clearly define yourself as bisexual, would you therefore say that you are gay because you are with a girl? Genuinely intrigued. & the difference is that Cynthia has a platform to influence people whether she likes it or not. I still really like her BTW I'm merely putting across the current debate.

    No way do we ever want straight, bisexual or any type of gay woman to feel like an outsider! Please don't feel that way.

    M x

  21. Sorry for losing it with you Megan... but this just all made me crazy... big time. I'm glad you girls are too sweet to be judgmental.

    Yes, I'm bisexual... or at least I figure so, since my earlier relationships with men were nice and romantic and not terrible... but my current girlfriend of the last 4 years is the only woman I've ever been with and I love her more than anything. If I'm lucky, we'll be together forever. Given that... yes, I feel gay. I feel "Lesbian" and have lived happily as one since we became a couple.

    Every time somebody says I... or any bisexual... is not gay it's like they are dismissing that love I feel as just some "stupid phase" that I'll just move on from. Like I could ever do that...

    I'm thinking maybe Cynthia feels just that same way. Tired of Straight people telling her to choose only one thing.... Gays telling her just as loudly she's got no choice at all.
    Damn it... all she wants is that power for her own self. To make her own. choice and her own statement about who she is and who she loves. I don't get the sense she wants a "platform"....

  22. "Cynthia Nixon is an openly gay broadway star who was on an emmy-winning TV series that is syndicated so hard you could literally see it on TV at any point during any day, EVERY day since 1998. She’s talking to the NEW YORK TIMES about her choice to be gay, and you’re pissed off?
    Dear Gay People Who Are Upset By This: Calm Down. We are not all the same, we do not have all the same feelings and we will never all think the same way. You should be fighting for equality, not for people to be more like you."


  23. Some in the spiritual arena of thought accept as true that they "must stop" the "gay agenda, whatever that might be. Of course, there are folks who are very obstinate in the GLBT community about certain issues such as gay marriage and they demand to be heard and are vocal on the following stage over this debate. When I read the gentleman's essay arguing that no one is born gay, I certainly understood where he was coming from, as he felt as if the ""gay agenda" had come too far, and so, he is just as adamant about pushing back now.


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