This is a subject we’ve wanted to
write about for a while. We’re aware that there is interest to know
more about how Whitney dealt with moving countries, and if she
experienced any culture shock. This article touches upon that from
Megan’s perspective, but we want you to know that Whitney plans to
write a specific blog post for you all! This post is intended for
anyone who may not know our relationship, and is also posted on (& edited by) The Huffington Post. Let us know your thoughts and comments!
Life After Long Distance: Is
There Happily Ever After?
The majority of people who are in a
long-distance relationship want to know the ultimate secrets of how
to survive the distance. You come across many blog posts and YouTube
videos from long-distance couples giving advice on how to make a
long-distance relationship work. We all work toward the same goal: to
get rid of the distance. However, no one ever discusses what happens
after you conquer long distance. Is it truly happily ever after?
I was in a long-distance relationship
with my now-wife between the UK and Hawaii for four years. For four
years we endured months apart, months of endless texts, phone calls,
emails and Skype sessions. We had fights and tears during our time
apart and rejoiced at being reunited, only to be shortly ripped
apart. We always kept in mind that ultimately it would all be worth
it, as one day we would no longer have to endure the miles apart. We
first attempted to end the distance in 2011, when we applied for a
visa for Whitney to join me in the UK. To our great dismay, her visa
was denied! Our dreams of finally living together were dashed.
Whitney moved away from Hawaii to South Carolina, and I returned to
the UK after my three-month visitor visa to America had expired. Not
giving up, a year later we reapplied (this time with a solicitor),
and we got the best news we had been waiting for: Whitney's visa had
been successful!
We said "good riddance" to
long distance, to plane rides and having to accept a mere few weeks
together. Now we wouldn't have to sleep alone or not hear from one
another due to the time difference. This time, when Whitney came to
the UK, she would not be leaving. For once we got to be together for
the amazing and mundane moments of life: both our birthdays,
Christmas and Valentine's Day, even attending the Olympics. We have
experienced an amazing year together, what with moving in together
and making our house a home (aka Wegan Manor), having our civil
partnership, graduating, passing car tests, gaining employment,
traveling on a plane together and back to Portugal and America, and
most recently choosing our first addition to our family: a kitten.
Life has truly never been better, but
that is not to say that it is a seamless transition from the torture
of long distance to forever-happy days. While we couldn't wait to see
the end of the distance, there are things we didn't even realize we
were going to miss: the ability to leave your life as you know it and
fly to one another's country and be submersed in a different culture;
the longing for one another and the butterflies leading up to the
days of finally being together, a feeling like no other; the
excitement in the hours leading up to being reunited, like nothing
else. You can say goodbye to Skype and finally touch for the first
time in ages. Every holiday we could take, we would spend it visiting
one another. We made the most of our days, lying on a beach in
Hawaii, sipping cocktails with the sunset behind us, going to see the
Eiffel Tower or seeing Big Ben from the London Eye. Trips to the
movies and dinner were once-in-a-lifetime experiences with the love
of your life by your side.
What has shocked both of us is the
culture shock and homesickness that Whitney has experienced, despite
having visited the UK many times. Making me a priority in her life
has meant that she's had to leave America behind her and adjust to
the British way of life. Previously these visits would be so precious
and exciting; she never truly took in the differences that our
cultures can bring. They have become more apparent than ever before,
and it has had its days when it strains the relationship. There have
been times when it has been amusing, such as Whitney's utter surprise
over why only one mattress was delivered, not two. There have been
other times when everything takes its toll, and even the different
road signs, the small roads and no drive-through Starbucks can cause
her to spiral into a great homesickness. There has been great
disappointment at KFC not having mashed potatoes and green beans, and
there's nothing I can do about it. What seem to be minor differences
can have a major impact. In putting our love first, Whitney has had
to move away from her family and life as she knew it. Being together
is what we both want more in life; however, there is always one who
will suffer more. In conquering our own long-distance relationship,
she now has one with her family and best friends. It hurts to see the
one you love the most so sad to be away from all she knew, and there
is a gut-wrenching feeling of guilt. Now that the laws have finally
changed in America for same-sex immigration rights, I too may have to
face the same dilemma. We do hope that one day we can figure out a
life where we get to live in both the UK and the U.S.
There are a million things you do not
miss about long distance. There is not a feeling in the world like
the heartbreaking (stamping and wrenching) goodbyes at airports.
There would be tears for days leading up to the event, which would
mean that our time together was tainted by the impending departure.
We both wished we could be knocked unconscious on the days of
goodbye, without having to kiss one last time at the airport and walk
through security looking back and not being able to touch anymore.
The plane journey that, a mere two weeks earlier, was the most
exciting feeling in the world is now the worst. You're surrounded by
people who are happy to be on their travels while you are trying not
to cry while sitting next to a complete stranger. Being together 24/7
reverts to doing life alone. And so the countdown to the day that you
would be together again would begin. Being in a long-distance
relationship, you never felt like life truly existed. You would have
to get on with school, work, seeing family and friends, but a big
part of your life was always missing. The few weeks you got to share
out of the whole year became the real weeks of your life. It took
four years, but we finally got to live in the real world together.
Finally embarking on our lives together
was a completely surreal feeling! Having only been used to the
feeling of time running out, we couldn't shake the feeling that her
time here was precious, that it wouldn't be forever. Doing long
distance has made us appreciate all the little things in life, from
grocery shopping and cooking together, to waking up next to one
another in bed. Yet it still felt like this was too good to be true,
that we couldn't just live a life like every other couple. As a
result of only being used to having a small amount of time together,
we pretty much never want to be apart. No longer having to say, "She
is only here for two weeks," we cannot go a day without being by
each other's side. In fact, since Whitney moved over in June 2012, we
have not had a single day or night apart! Sometimes we feel like we
are being selfish by wanting to always spend time together. Do we end
up neglecting friends and family? It's hard to know if it's due to
the experience of long distance or if this is just the way we are as
a couple.
One thing we know for sure is that it
was all worth it. We no longer have to count down our time apart --
unless you count the hours at work, which, yes, we do. It's perfectly
normal for culture shock to occur when one world is given up for
another. What is important is that we make it through together. We
wouldn't swap anything in the world for our lives right now. We get
to make each other get out of bed at the crack of dawn for work, I
make her breakfast as we get ready, and I get to kiss her goodbye
before the start of my day. There isn't a better feeling than knowing
that we will be going home together after a day at work. We relish
the small, mundane activities that every couple gets to partake in.
We love nothing more than cooking dinner together, followed by TV in
bed with a good cup of tea. We plan to grow old together and to never
be apart again. This is the life we all dream of. This is the happily
ever after.