Sunday, 24 June 2012

Long Distance Loving: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

As we come to an end to our LONG stretch of LONG distance, we thought we would round up the good, the bad and the ugly of doing long distance.

Most people warn you off doing long distance, "it will never last" they say. Well we're here to tell you, yes, yes it will! Want to know why? Because we love each other enough to put in the effort to make it worth. Want to know why others don't last? Because they don't do that. Whitney & I have always had the most strongest and deepest love for one another and share a bond unlike most couples that we meet. Despite the distance and cultural differences we MADE it work. It didn't just work out by chance. But lets run through the good, the bad and the ugly.

The Good

  • You get to visit new and different places! Whether you're different ends of a country or countries apart, you're guaranteed to learn more and develop as a person by traveling and being apart of different places.

  • You get to miss one another!! The feeling of knowing you'll be seeing each other again is like no other. The butterflies and excitement still continues 4 years later!

  • If you're a trans-atlantic like us, you get to travel and see the world, experience new cultures and learn new things you wouldn't ordinarily do.

  • Your love grows stronger, you learn the important rules of communicating and making sure each other feels loved regardless of what is happening in your life.

The Bad

  • Whilst traveling has it's perks, having to do it so much over year becomes a chore when you have to go through the same routine of checking in, security and customs, changing flights, waiting around in airports etc etc. It soon becomes routine rather than novel and new.

  • Missing one another like hell and there is nothing that you can do about it. Nothing that a phone call, e-mail, text, picture or Skype comes close to when you just need a kiss and a cuddle. 

  • Missing out on the little things that every couple gets to do, whether it be movie dates to the small thing of grocery shopping or buying a new outfit and wanting to show off. What's the point in getting my hair done if she can't see it?!

  • The money, ooh is it expensive to make a long distance relationship work!!

  • The clash of cultures and lack of understanding, where a simple misunderstanding of how one family operates to how different a word is pronounced can seem so confusing.

The Ugly
  • The fights. Ooh we've had some big and bad ones that's for sure. The distance only makes them worse and prolonged when a hug would have solved the situation long before.

  • Visa and immigration. Ooh lordy is this the UGLY side to LDR. As if the miles and time apart weren't enough to deal with, you also have immigration governing how long you can stay in each others company. Not only this, applying to move to another country is a BIG and daunting project. You might think it's obvious you two should be together but then this all comes down to an Entry Clearance Officer who decides you fate. May 2011 we were very unlucky, June 2012 we were very lucky!!

  • Whilst we're on this topic, this leads nicely to gay marriage and the law! Having a long distance relationship with an American makes it just that extra bit harder when you're gay due to the lack of immigration rights to same-sex couples. Not only are there ONLY 8 states in America that allow gay marriage, only one of them allows out of state marriage and NONE of them apply to immigration. Therefore the only other way that it would ever be possible for us to live in America with the way things are would be if I were to somehow get sponsorship from a company who would have to prove that there is NO-ONE else on the USA that they could hire for the job. It would also take at least half a year and lots of money, all the while I would not be allowed to visit USA! So all in all, THANK YOU BRITAIN for having civil partnerships in place. Whilst we may be getting gay marriage in a few years to come, I'm just glad that we have a system that recognises and legitimises same sex relationships.  

Starting out we had NO clue what lay ahead or the twists and turns that it would take. We didn't realise how HARD it was going to be and how LONG it would take to live our lives together like we were meant to do all a long. Despite the difficulties to long distance, we would never go back and change a thing. It's lead us to this very point of where we're meant to be. Waking up together and going to sleep together, and finally truly experiencing all the boring parts to a relationship from grocery shopping to putting the bins out. 

Hello LIFE and LOVE!


Have we changed your mind about long distance relationships?

Are you in a LDR? Anything to add- good, bad or ugly?

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  1. This post is really emotional - reading how much you have been through to get to this point. You really do deserve this final chance of being together, properly, forever, and im sure so many people would agree with you saying thank god we have some legal recognition for this beautiful relationship in the UK.

    We can identify with lots of it, having spent 2 1/2 years apart at the beginning of our relationship. But the thing that I always remember with a great big smile about those years was how it has taught it to never, ever take each other for granted. I still get excited every morning when I wake up and she's there :)

    We've said it a million times, but congratulations to both of you, and thank god long distance finally comes to an end!

    L & S xxx

  2. Great post! I always wondered how yall made the decision to live there instead of here (USA). Im so glad your country allows civil partnerships that will allow for her to move!! Soooo excited for you two!! :)

  3. A lovely post as always! And agreed that altho we don't have gay marriage at the moment, we do have civil partnerships!

    I know i've said it alot... but I think that you two really do deserve all the happiness the laughter and the smiles you have! You are such an amazing and inspirational couple, role models too.

    I hope you have an amazing time today when Whitney arrives, its not long now! And 'cheers' to the rest of your life together :D it all starts here ;)


    p.s i am very excited for you both lol :)

  4. I've been long distance with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now (he is from the Netherlands and has worked in France, Italy and Spain while we have been together while I've been stuck in rainy old England!) and the stronger and closer we get in our relationship the harder the long distance becomes and the harder it becomes to say goodbye when we have to go back to our different countries!
    Trust is a massive issue in any relationship but when you're long distance you have to have faith and trust the person you're with, even more so because of course they aren't there to tell you and show you everyday how much they love you, you just have to accept that there will be days when you don't hear from each other and you have to have faith that that doesn't mean anything is happening or amiss, it's just par for the course in a long distance relationship. You can't expect a long email from your loved one every day because some days there just isn't anything to say! (Except from I love you or I miss you but trust me even that isn't sufficient over an email or a text when all you want to do is cuddle and kiss your partner and actually tell them face to face how you feel!) Also, if you have any niggling doubts or anything that's bothering you about the relationship you have to really bite the bullet and call that person and just trust that you can communicate properly about the 'problem' and resolve whatever the issue is without it turning into a massive fight because the WORST thing about LDRs is having an argument or a fight and not being able to make it up. However, because of this I do think that LDR couples learn to communicate a lot better with each other and the trust between the couple ends up being really strong.

  5. I think the important thing to realise is that long distance relationships DO NOT get easier, they can in fact get harder (well that's what I've found) and you do have to put A LOT of effort in. It might take a toll on your career (taking so much time off to see your loved one), your funds will definitely suffer and surprisingly so may your social life ( I've certainly found that the week or two weeks after my boyfriend has left and I won't be seeing him again for another month/ two months I certainly don't want to see ANYONE - all I want to do is cry, stay in bed and watch Keeping up with the Kardashians!! lol) but there is NO WAY I would give up on the relationship. In fact, just like Whitney and Megan my boyfriend and I now have plans to live together in 2014 but we first of all have to go through the drama of my boyfriend being able to find a job over here and living together and getting him British citizenship etc, but it will all be so worth it in the end!!!!! Every time we see each other we fall more and more in love, we talk about marriage and kids ALL the time, and when I'm with him I just feel happy and complete, which is why it is hard and gets harder all the time to say goodbye to each other, but it also makes us more determined to be together! - and that can only be a good thing! And just like Wegan said, you do get to visit lots of places, and the way I'm looking at this final year of long distance is that I get lots of little holidays in Barcelona!!
    One more thing - (I'm almost done!) if you're in a LDR - PLEASE don't count the days until you see each other again. Because the days will go SO SLOWLY, your life will pass you by and you won't appreciate each day for what it is and you could miss out on so much if you just see individual days as a milestone to get through - and DO NOT count the days that you have together!! Because that is one sure fire way to make that precious time you have together go too quickly!!! So stop counting and just live in the moment, when you are with or without your loved one - because the reason you are with your boyfriend/ girlfriend is because they love you for you, nobody wants to be with someone who just dedicates their whole lives to their boyfriend/ girlfriend - you need to remain yourself, stay happy (no matter how much you miss the person you love you WILL see them again!!) and if you're having fun when you're not together the time will go much quicker! So stay busy, keep enjoying life, trust that your partner loves you no matter where in the world you are, and feel proud of the beautiful relationship that you're in!!!

  6. In two weeks time I will be moving in with my girlfriend after THREE LONG YEARS long distance. I'm so proud of us and excited and so happy it's almost over, but it totally can be done, despite the fights and missing each other and everything else. When you know it's worth it, nothing else matters as much. So YAY!

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